In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
