Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
