Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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