thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
