babies were throwing up all over the place
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
