I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
