I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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