Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
