This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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