My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
