Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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