I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
