last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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