So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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