Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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