my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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