I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
