i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize