go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
