Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Kiss
Puke
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
