Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
