I need help removing her.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
