I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
