My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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