You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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