bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
