Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
