I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
