I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
