I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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