I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
