I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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