You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
