i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
