Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
