She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
