Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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