Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
