I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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