you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
