just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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