At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
