I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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