i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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