a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
