So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They took my balls.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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