Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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