I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
