i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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