So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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