They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
