How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
