Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
