the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
