Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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