I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
