called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
