How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
