Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He? As in you personified your dick?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
