Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
