The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
