Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
