At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
