Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
