Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
