its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
