Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
