god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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