Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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