I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
