did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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