you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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